HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY DEAR JAMES
It's been so many years since I got the chance to say Happy Birthday My Dear James. Its been 15 long years since I last saw my better half. Had he lived, he would have been 44 years old today. We would have celebrated his birthday like any family would have celebrated the birthday of a loved one. There would be a party at home, James loved having parties and acting as a great host, cracking up jokes, doing his famous jerky dance, filling-up his belly with beer and eating PANCIT and ADOBO (he loves chicken not pork). There would be added memories in our photo book, me acting as photographer again while he and his buddies do all those weird poses. Greetings would be thrown here and there, old chums would come, his airforce commander in tow together with his wife and kids.
It would be a grand celebration lasting until the wee hours of the morning. Whenever he host a party he would always tell me, "Well, I only got to celebrate my birthday once a year, why waste it." Yeah right, my dear why waste it, we only live once in our lives, true enough why spoil the fun.
Looking back into those memories, I always ask myself is it worth it. You always say that you have your duty/obligation however you call it, to your beloved country. Huh, does being too patriotic shielded you from being gunned down to death by your own troops. It would have been easier to accept your demise had you died during a battle. But no, your plane crashed with you and 8 other servicemen in it because of what, a STUPID "Friendly Fire." I know people makes mistake but how stupid can those people be, not being able to distinguish an enemy plane from their own troops plane.
You told me you'd come back the last time we talked. You did didn't you but why come back in a box. It's been 15 long years and I haven't forgotten the fight we had before you left for IRAQ. It's never been easy without you. Had you left me because of somebody else or just tired out of the relationship, it would have been easier for me to accept. At least, there is this small possibility that maybe, just maybe , you would come back and everything will be okay again. During your last call, you told me that when you come back we will celebrate, we even planned on going out of town to celebrate your return. Remeber the letter you sent before you died, I received said letter and you told me things you were not able to say to me personally. I treasure that letter and to this day that letter had always been a reminder for me on how much you really loved me.
Mike told me how they tried to save you and he even told me you last few words. Those same words were the ones you wrote to me the day you died.
Thank you for the love and the memories my James. I will never forget you. I know its time for me to move on but how can I move on knowing that part of me died when you you died. It was neve easy when you left so suddenly. I am trying to survive since I have a kid to remind me that I should take care of myself. That another human being is relying on me to love and support him. I am trying James, its just that, its not easy doing things on my own. I am used to having you beside me, to play your practical jokes, to give me a massage when I am tired, the usual hugs and kisses. I can never get used to not having you near me. My life was empty without you. I tried loving again but it was a complete disaster. I only ended up being traumatized by it.
You will always be my James, the James who loved me for who I am, the one who made me complete, the one who taught me what love is really all about. To you I have these words to say, I will always love you and I will never, ever forget. I LOVE YOU and I will wait for that day when we will finally be together once again.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY DEAR HUBBY, LOTS OF LOVE AND KISSES I SENT TO YOU. HOPE YOU ARE HAPPY where ever you may be.
It would be a grand celebration lasting until the wee hours of the morning. Whenever he host a party he would always tell me, "Well, I only got to celebrate my birthday once a year, why waste it." Yeah right, my dear why waste it, we only live once in our lives, true enough why spoil the fun.
Looking back into those memories, I always ask myself is it worth it. You always say that you have your duty/obligation however you call it, to your beloved country. Huh, does being too patriotic shielded you from being gunned down to death by your own troops. It would have been easier to accept your demise had you died during a battle. But no, your plane crashed with you and 8 other servicemen in it because of what, a STUPID "Friendly Fire." I know people makes mistake but how stupid can those people be, not being able to distinguish an enemy plane from their own troops plane.
You told me you'd come back the last time we talked. You did didn't you but why come back in a box. It's been 15 long years and I haven't forgotten the fight we had before you left for IRAQ. It's never been easy without you. Had you left me because of somebody else or just tired out of the relationship, it would have been easier for me to accept. At least, there is this small possibility that maybe, just maybe , you would come back and everything will be okay again. During your last call, you told me that when you come back we will celebrate, we even planned on going out of town to celebrate your return. Remeber the letter you sent before you died, I received said letter and you told me things you were not able to say to me personally. I treasure that letter and to this day that letter had always been a reminder for me on how much you really loved me.
Mike told me how they tried to save you and he even told me you last few words. Those same words were the ones you wrote to me the day you died.
Thank you for the love and the memories my James. I will never forget you. I know its time for me to move on but how can I move on knowing that part of me died when you you died. It was neve easy when you left so suddenly. I am trying to survive since I have a kid to remind me that I should take care of myself. That another human being is relying on me to love and support him. I am trying James, its just that, its not easy doing things on my own. I am used to having you beside me, to play your practical jokes, to give me a massage when I am tired, the usual hugs and kisses. I can never get used to not having you near me. My life was empty without you. I tried loving again but it was a complete disaster. I only ended up being traumatized by it.
You will always be my James, the James who loved me for who I am, the one who made me complete, the one who taught me what love is really all about. To you I have these words to say, I will always love you and I will never, ever forget. I LOVE YOU and I will wait for that day when we will finally be together once again.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY DEAR HUBBY, LOTS OF LOVE AND KISSES I SENT TO YOU. HOPE YOU ARE HAPPY where ever you may be.
posted by Flor at 7:07 AM
1 Comments:
Somehow I guessed you were not in the mood the other day but you never said a word. Yes it's good to remember the good times with the one you love and I know how much you love him.
Like I said it's a step at a time, a day at a time but just remember that he can never be truly happy wherever he may be because he can see through your pain.
6:47 PM
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